Choose your response for greater stress relief

Feel like you're lugging a backpack that's growing heavier by the minute? That's stress. And too much stress makes life a difficult hike.

What exactly is stress? It's what you experience when the level of your stressors exceeds your ability to cope. To balance this equation, you need stress relief by changing the level of the stressors or increasing your ability to cope. Try using one of the four As: avoid, alter, accept or adapt.

Changing the level of your stressors

Attempt to adjust the sources of stress in your life by avoiding or altering them.

Avoid
A lot of needless stress can simply be avoided. Plan ahead, rearrange your surroundings and reap the benefits of a lighter load.

• Take control of your surroundings. Is traffic insane? Leave early for work, or take the longer, less traveled route. Hate waiting in line at the corporate cafeteria? Pack your lunch and eat at your desk.
• Avoid contact with someone who bothers you. If you have a co-worker who causes your jaw to tense, put physical distance between you. Sit across the table at meetings or walk around his or her cubicle, even if it requires some weaving.
• Say no. You have a lot of responsibilities and demands on your time. At a certain point, you cross the line between charitable and foolish. Turn down the neighborhood sports league. Pass on coaching T-ball. Those around you will appreciate more time with a relaxed you. And you'll have time to enjoy them, too.
• Turn off the news. Everyone knows it's the grisly happenings that get airtime. Opt instead to light a candle and read a relaxing book a few days a week.
• Ditch part of your list. Label your to-do list with As, Bs and Cs, according to importance. If it's a hectic day, scratch the Cs from your list.

Just remember: A certain amount of avoidance is healthy, but some problems refuse to be overlooked. For those situations, try another technique.

Alter
One of the most helpful things you can do during times of stress is to take inventory. Then attempt to change your situation, so things work better in the future.

• Respectfully ask others to change their behavior and be willing to do the same. Small problems often create larger ones when they aren't resolved. If you're tired of being the butt of your wife's jokes at parties, ask her to leave you out of the comic lineup. In return, be willing to enjoy her other jokes and thank her for humoring you.
• Communicate your feelings openly. Remember to use "I" statements, as in "I feel frustrated by shorter deadlines and a heavier workload. Is there something we can do to balance things out?"
• Take risks. Sometimes inaction creates tension. Take the art class you've always dreamed about. Vie for the assignment you really want at work. Taking a chance will feel good, regardless of the outcome.
• Manage your time better. Organize your day so that like tasks are lumped together — group your phone calls, car errands and computer-related tasks. The reward of increased efficiency will be extra time.
• State limits in advance. Be proactive. Instead of stewing over a colleague's nonstop chatter, politely start the conversation with "I've got five minutes to cover this."

Increasing your ability to cope

For those cases in which the source of your stress can't be avoided, try to adjust your ability to tolerate it.

Accept
Sometimes we have no choice but to accept things the way they are. For those times try to:

• Talk with someone. You may not be able to change a frustrating situation, but that doesn't mean your feelings aren't legitimate. Phone a friend or schedule a coffee break. You will feel better after talking it out.
• Forgive. It takes energy to be angry. Forgiving may take practice, but by doing so, you will free yourself from burning more negative energy. Why swim against the current when you could shrug and move on?
• Smile. It may improve your mood. Even if you have to fake it, smiles are contagious. Before long, you're likely to see your smile sincerely reflected back at you.
• Practice positive self-talk. It's easy to lose objectivity when you're stressed. One negative thought can lead to another, and soon you've created a mental avalanche. Be positive. Instead of thinking, "I am horrible with money and will never be able to control my finances," try this: "I made a mistake with my money, but I am resilient. I'll get through it."
• Learn from your mistakes. There is value in recognizing a "teachable moment." You can't change the fact that procrastination hurt your performance, but you can register the regret to make sure you allot more time in the future.
• See stress as an opportunity. Sure you're tense, but thanks to stress, you were up early Saturday morning perfecting Monday's presentation. The rest of the day lies ahead, unencumbered.

Adapt
The perception that you can't cope is actually one of the greatest stressors. That's why adapting — which often involves changing your standards or expectations — can be the most helpful in dealing with stress.

• Adjust your standards. Do you need to vacuum and dust twice a week? Could a box of macaroni and cheese replace homemade lasagna once in a while? Redefine cleanliness, success and perfection, and you may operate with a little less guilt and frustration.
• Practice thought-stopping. Stop gloomy thoughts immediately. Refuse to replay a stressful situation as negative, and it may cease to be so.
• Reframe. Try looking at your situation from a new reference point. Instead of feeling frustrated that you are home with a sick child, look at it as an opportunity to bond, relax and finish a load of laundry.
• Adopt a mantra. Create a saying such as "I can handle this," and mentally repeat it in tough situations.
• Create an assets column. Imagine all of the things that bring you joy in life — vacation, children, pets. Then call on that list when you are stressed. It will put things into perspective and serve as a reminder of life's joys.
• Use humor and imagination. Create ridiculous scenarios in your head. Allow yourself to see an atrocious day as comical. Laugh at the lunacy of it all.
• Look at the big picture. Ask yourself, "Will this matter in a year? In five years?" The answer is usually no. Realizing this makes a stressful situation seem less overwhelming.

Choosing the right technique

Obviously, one technique doesn't work for every situation. You can't avoid all of the stressors in your life, and you shouldn't accept every hassle that comes your way. Practice appropriately applying these techniques to balance your stress equation. With practice, that once-hefty backpack will become your private bag of tricks. Soon, you'll pull out just the tool that will keep you hiking through life at a steady clip.